Crazy Mary
by Vol lady
Summary: A patient that Jarrod knew in passing at the Insane Asylum has died, and when he tells the family about it, Heath realizes he might have known her once too - and did not treat her very well. Together, they go to Strawberry, looking for who she was and what happened to her. Inspired by a song by Steve Goodman. Follows my story "Asylum."
1. Chapter 1

Crazy Mary

Chapter 1

 _On the stone these words,_

" _Dear friends,_

 _Please write me down as one who loved_

 _the raven-haired and laughing lads_

 _who swore that they would marry me_

 _but soon their sons went running by_

 _and here I lie, forgotten,_

 _Crazy Mary"_

Jarrod left the insane asylum after a visit to his former client, Leo Stuart. He checked on Leo now and then to be sure he was being well-treated, and it seemed that he always was but that he still suffered bouts of complete wildness alternating with sullen silence. He wasn't much different than he was when Jarrod got him cleared of murder charges. At the time, Jarrod had hoped he would progress, because he often had periods of unbelievable lucidity. But they wouldn't stay, not yet anyway. Jarrod left sad, frustrated, and most of all, sorry.

But at least he left with his sanity intact. There was a time everyone, including him, was worried he was spending so much time there that he was slipping over the edge. He didn't slip. It was a little close now and then, but he stayed on the solid side of normal. He was fine.

Today, though, he spotted a little funeral happening in the graveyard nearby where they buried the lost souls who had no one to come for them when they died. Jarrod knew who the service was for. There had been an inmate, a woman everybody called Crazy Mary. She was not a difficult person, usually smiled in fact, but was always vacant and lost and mourning something or someone that no one could pin down. Jarrod knew only a little about her. She had come from somewhere else in the state – Jarrod didn't know where – and was put here when she simply could not take care of herself. Even in the cold of winter, she wouldn't light a fire, just sit and rock in a chair. Someone noticed, and they took her out and brought her here.

Jarrod only found out that much because he'd seen her when he came to see Leo, and he asked. There was a wild but enchanted look about her that drew him out and made him want to smile at her. She seemed to have a special way of looking at him, always smiling as if it were just for him. Out of respect and even fondness for this lady, whoever she had been in life, Jarrod walked over to the funeral and was there for the end of it. _Ashes to ashes, dust to dust_ , the preacher said. Maybe Crazy Mary had turned to dust long ago. As the other people walked away, Jarrod smiled down at the grave, sorry to see her go but hoping that somewhere she was smiling and even dreaming dreams that any normal person would dream.

"You're awful quiet," Nick said at dinner, as they all talked but Jarrod didn't join in.

"You went to the asylum today, didn't you?" Heath asked.

"Yes," Jarrod said quietly.

"How is your client?" Victoria asked.

"The same," Jarrod said. "No worse, at least."

"But it has you sad, doesn't it?" Audra asked.

Jarrod realized he'd been too sullen, and he perked up a little. "No, not really. One of the inmates died and was buried today and I can't help thinking about her. I used to see her now and then and she always had a smile for me, even though I thought there really wasn't anyone behind the smile. She was there because she couldn't care for herself. I guess I'm sad because she ended up that way, and I never knew who she was before that happened to her."

"What was her name?" Victoria asked.

"I don't even know," Jarrod said. "Everybody just called her Crazy Mary."

Heath's eyes suddenly flashed, and he immediately became interested in his coffee. Jarrod saw that something he had said hit Heath somewhere. Jarrod quickly changed the subject.

"I need to be going to San Francisco on Monday next week," Jarrod said. "I'll be gone for a while. I have a big trial coming up. If anybody wants to come out for a spell and visit me – maybe do some shopping, visit some better saloons."

"Too busy," Nick said. "We have a drive coming up, need to fatten those cattle up so they can make it in some kind of shape."

"Where will you be going?" Jarrod asked.

"Up Lodi way," Nick said. "Not a really long drive, but the drought this year was rough on them and they're still coming back from it."

"Well, if anybody changes their mind, the offer's open," Jarrod said. "Just wire me you're coming."

"How long do you plan to be gone?" Victoria asked.

"At least four weeks," Jarrod said. "I'm sorry to leave you ladies alone with a drive coming on, but it can't be helped."

They all shared after dinner drinks in the parlor, but now it was Heath who was oddly quiet. Everyone noticed, but Jarrod seemed to be the only one who connected Heath's sudden silence to what he'd said about the woman called Crazy Mary. When Heath stepped out on the verandah to smoke a cigar, Jarrod followed after him, smoking one of his own.

Victoria, Nick and Audra all watched what was happening, but stayed where they were. This looked like something Jarrod wanted to take care of, whatever it was. "Pappy Work" Nick would often call it when Jarrod took time to talk to one of them about something troublesome. It looked like this was Pappy Work tonight.

"Well, I got over my introspection, but it looks like I passed it on to you," Jarrod said as he stepped up beside his brother. "Was it something I said?"

Heath shook his head. "No, Jarrod, not exactly."

"Then what exactly? I mentioned the woman who died and you went a million miles away."

Heath heaved a sigh. "You ever regret things you did when you were a kid, stupid kid things, I mean? Things you never meant to have hurt anybody, but they did."

"Oh, yeah," Jarrod said. "I don't know a human being alive who doesn't carry some of that baggage around."

"You said her name was Crazy Mary," Heath said.

"That's what they called her, but I don't really know what her name was."

"Do you know where she came from?"

"No," Jarrod said, becoming interested. "No, I don't. Do you want me to find out?"

"If you can," Heath said.

"Do you think you knew her?" Jarrod asked.

"I might have," Heath said and put his cigar out.

"Wanna talk about it before I check into it?" Jarrod asked. "It might help me figure out if she was the woman you knew."

Heath sighed. "We were kids – three or four of us in Strawberry, growing up together. There used to be a woman who lived alone in the woods. We called her Crazy Mary. We didn't even know if that was her name, but we used to run by her place and call out at her. She'd come to the window and we'd shout and laugh at her. She was odd, you know? Never came out. Never talked to anybody. The more we tormented her, the more she smiled. Never complained one bit about us."

"How old were you at the time?" Jarrod asked.

"No more than seven or eight," Heath said. "But time went by. We grew up. By the time we were ten or so, the game had worn itself out and we forgot all about her. I never knew what happened to her, but when you mentioned this woman at the asylum who had died – it all came screaming right back at me. Crazy Mary."

"And now you're feeling bad because it might have been your Crazy Mary, and you never apologized to her."

"Never apologized. Never even went back and gave her a wave or anything. All we ever did was torment her over and over, and then we ran away for good. I didn't know how much it was bothering me until you mentioned that woman tonight. I should have known better, Jarrod. Given the women in my life, the lonely women I loved and knew were good women, fine women, and I just joined in and tortured Crazy Mary like the other kids. And I never even said I was sorry. I never even gave her another thought until you mentioned that woman tonight, and now I feel like – dirt."

Jarrod could sympathize. He puffed on his cigar. "Heath, we all do things when we're kids that we don't realize were hurtful until we grow up. It's part of growing up. I had my own Crazy Mary."

Heath looked at him, only half willing to believe that.

"I didn't torment her," Jarrod said. "Some of the kids did. Two or three of the kids even threw rocks at her place – that old tumbled down house right after you come out of town heading this way. I didn't join in, but I didn't stop them either. I was too scared."

"Scared?" Heath said.

Jarrod chuckled. "Scared. I was afraid she'd cast a spell on me and turn me into a wolf or something if I came anywhere near her. So I didn't stop the kids from tormenting her. I never stopped to say hello or offered to help her carry packages in town or anything I should have done, even when I got a bit older. Mother would be livid if she knew about that. But the woman died while I was away at the war, and by then, I'd forgotten her, like you forgot your Crazy Mary."

Heath heaved another sigh, and as Jarrod took another puff on his cigar, Heath said, "Do you think you can find out anything about the woman in the asylum?"

"You want to know if she was your Crazy Mary," Jarrod said.

Heath nodded. "It's not like I can do anything except make myself feel better, but if she was from Strawberry, if she was the Crazy Mary I tortured with the other kids – "

Jarrod nodded. "You want to try to do something, even if it's too late."

Heath nodded. "Yeah."

Jarrod put his cigar out and gave Heath a clap on the back. "I'll see what I can find out tomorrow."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The next day, Jarrod came home as Nick and Heath were finished grooming their horses, dismounting in front of the stable just as Nick and Heath were coming outside. Ciego was tending to a new mare in the corral, so Jarrod knew he'd have to take care of his own horse. "Heath!" he said as he led his horse into the stable. "Come talk to me. I found out something."

Nick looked surprised. He didn't know that Jarrod had been looking into something for Heath, but then, he thought he should have known after the private talk they had the night before. Nick hadn't asked about it all day and Heath hadn't volunteered. Heath would talk when he was ready to. "I'll see you inside," he said and headed into the house.

Heath went back into the stable. Jarrod was already lifting the saddle off his horse and taking it to the rack where he kept it. As he went for the saddle blanket, he said, "I talked to the supervisor at the asylum today. They didn't have any record of Crazy Mary's real name, and they didn't know exactly where she came from, but they did say that she came from the county Strawberry is in, about 12 years ago."

"I had already left town by then," Heath said. "The war was over. I think I was in Arizona, or somewhere along the border with Arizona."

Jarrod hung the saddle blanket on the rail and removed his horse's feed bag from where it hung on the wall. As he carried it over to fill it, he said, "Well, the timing is right and the place is right, but that's all they could really tell me. I thought ahead and figured you might want to head out to Strawberry tomorrow and see if you can find out anything else, so I've arranged to take the day off and go with you."

Heath was surprised. "You don't really need to go with me, Jarrod."

Jarrod brought feed back to his horse's stall and put the bag over the horse's head, then fetched the brush and the curry comb and began to groom him. "I got to thinking about her myself today. The supervisor said something that got my attention. He said that Crazy Mary was always happy to see me arrive when I was spending all that time with Leo Stuart, and always sad to see me go. I couldn't figure that out. All I did was smile to her. I decided I'd be going to Strawberry even if you don't want to go. I want to know more about the lady." He stopped his work and looked at Heath. "Do you want to go?"

Heath nodded. "If Nick will be all right without me."

"It might be an overnight trip, if we end up spending a lot of time there. I've never been there, you know. There might be a place or two you'd like me to see, or that I'd like to see if it's all right with you."

Heath nodded again. "I'd like you to go and see the place. I'm glad you want to."

"Good," Jarrod said and resumed grooming his horse.

Heath turned, saying, "I'll go talk to Nick and see if he's okay with me going. And Jarrod – "

Jarrod stopped and looked over at him.

Heath said, "Thanks."

Jarrod smiled. "My pleasure, Brother Heath."

Heath went into the house and found that Nick had already headed upstairs to clean up and change clothes. Heath went up there, found he wasn't in the wc, and knocked on his bedroom door.

"Who is it?" came booming out.

"Heath," he said. "I need to talk to you."

"Come on in," Nick said.

Heath went in and found Nick shirtless, washing up at the basin on his dresser. "I need to go to Strawberry tomorrow, maybe stay over," Heath said right away.

"Yeah, I figured you might want to be doing something like that," Nick said and toweled his face dry. "What are you and Jarrod up to, or is it none of my business?"

"No, it's all right," Heath said and sat back against the footboard of Nick's bed. "It's that woman he mentioned last night, the one who died, Crazy Mary."

"What about her?" Nick asked.

"I think I knew her in Strawberry. Jarrod checked on her background today. That's where she might have come from."

"You think you knew her when you were a kid."

Heath decided to leave out the details he'd told to Jarrod about tormenting the woman when he was young. He just said, "Yeah, I think I might have."

"Is Jarrod going with you?" Nick asked.

"Yeah," Heath said. "He knew her too. He wants to know more."

"All right," Nick said and began to put a clean shirt on. "Do I need to go?"

"No," Heath said. "If you want to, okay, but I figure you'd want to work here tomorrow, what with the drive coming up."

"I would," Nick said. "I guess if there's anything you want me to know, you'll tell me whenever you're ready."

Heath nodded. "If there's anything to tell."

Nick didn't like being left off the information chain, ever, but he curbed his curiosity this time. He wasn't even sure why, except that this whole thing sounded like it was something between Heath and Jarrod, something that wasn't yet his business, and he was willing to let them keep between themselves, at least for now. "I'm not gonna have to come rescue you two, am I?"

Heath shook his head, smiling. "Not this time. I can't see any trouble ahead on this one, and you know Strawberry. Hannah's probably the only one left there now."

"Well, I'll trust you and big brother can take of each other if the need arises," Nick said. "And if you're not back by the day after tomorrow, I'll come after you and ream you both up and down and sideways into next week."

"Fair enough," Heath said. "Thanks, Nick."

Nick gave Heath a slap on the back. Dust flew up in the air. "Change your shirt!" Nick bellowed.

XXXX

While having drinks before dinner, Heath told Victoria and Audra what he and Jarrod were going to be doing and why. Again, he left out the details about how terrible he had been to Crazy Mary as a child. Whenever he even thought about that, his stomach clenched up, he was so ashamed about it now. Only Jarrod could tell how he was reacting. Nick could tell by Jarrod's expression that there was more than just a visit for information about this trip to Strawberry, that this Crazy Mary had been someone important to Heath, but he was completely misjudging her importance. Nick thought she was probably another woman who had helped raise Heath. Jarrod and Heath both figured that was how the rest of the family, including Nick, was going to read what was going on, and they let them.

But as he lay there later at night, trying to fall asleep, Heath tossed and turned. He kept seeing Crazy Mary's face at the window of her house, just smiling, despite all the yelling and laughing and taunting the kids were delivering to her. He was delivering to her. God, he wished he could have those years back so he could undo what he had done to Crazy Mary. He was certain what he and his friends had done to her had helped put her in the Stockton Insane Asylum. He was grateful only Jarrod suspected what was really going on inside him. Maybe he would be able to tell the rest of the family when they got back from Strawberry – maybe not. But tonight he was alone with it, with his guilt, with the feeling that he had sinned – yes, genuinely sinned – and never until now repented. Never until now had given it, or Crazy Mary, another thought.

How could he ever make up for it? Now that she was gone, how could he ever do right by her? IF Jarrod's Crazy Mary was his Crazy Mary.

But of course, she was. Heath knew it, without a doubt.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Jarrod and Heath left after breakfast in the morning and rode together, arriving at Strawberry within a few hours. They didn't talk much along the way. Jarrod wanted Heath to have his thoughts, and he had a few of his own to ponder – about Crazy Mary, about this Strawberry he'd heard about so often through the years, about all the things he could ask about once they got there. But he refocused. This wasn't a pleasure trip. This might actually be tough.

"You've never been here before, have you, Jarrod?" Heath asked as they finally rode slowly into the decaying town where Heath grew up.

"Sorry to say, no," Jarrod said, regretting that he had never come to see the place where Heath grew up. He didn't know why he'd never done it – too busy, always too busy, but that was a poor excuse.

Heath didn't ask about it. He pointed to a spot at the edge of the ramshackle place. "This is where the tents were, where I was born."

 _In a tent_ , Jarrod thought and felt wrong. _I should have paid more attention to Heath's past before now. I should have come here before._

Jarrod didn't say anything. It didn't seem appropriate. He just let Heath do the talking, pointing things out he remembered from his childhood, places he remembered – some fondly, some not. Heath didn't stop anywhere until he came to the tiny cemetery, where he dismounted. Jarrod got down and went with him, and in a moment they were looking at Heath's mother's grave.

Heath bent beside it. "I wish you could have known her, Jarrod. Words just don't seem to do her justice."

"No need for them," Jarrod said. "I know her through you."

Heath smiled a little embarrassed smile. He should have known his big brother would say something like that.

Heath didn't say anything more there, but after staying for a moment and brushing the leaves away from his mother's headstone, he mounted back up. Jarrod remounted as well and soon they were at the other edge of town and stopping at a rundown house where laundry was hanging out to dry in the back. This had to be Hannah's place, Jarrod realized. She might very well be the only one left in Strawberry.

Heath dismounted and tethered his horse, calling for Hannah, as Jarrod also dismounted and hitched up. The tiny black woman Heath knew and loved came out from behind the house, looking suspicious and defensive – but then she saw Heath and broke into a smile like the sun. "Heath! Oh, it's my boy Heath!"

Heath bent to give her a kiss, while Jarrod just smiled to see the love radiating out of the old woman. "Hello, Hannah," Heath said. "I want you to meet someone. This is my brother, Jarrod."

Suddenly Hannah's face fell as she looked at Jarrod. He took his hat off and smiled, but the way she looked at him made him think she knew him, and she didn't like him. "Why'd you come back here?" she asked.

Heath was startled. "Hannah, this is my brother, Jarrod Barkley. He's never been here before."

Hannah peered closely at Jarrod, and then she smiled. "Oh, I just thought you was somebody else," she said. "You look so much like him."

"Like who, Hannah?" Heath asked.

"That city fella – come here when you were just a little boy, Heath," Hannah said. "Long time ago. I shoulda know'd you couldn't be him. You're Heath's brother?"

Jarrod nodded and smiled. "I am. My name is Jarrod Barkley."

Hanna smiled again. "Oh, you live with my boy Heath now."

"Yes," Jarrod said. "He's a member of our family now."

"Oh," Hannah said and touched Heath's arms. "That's fine, that's fine."

Heath said, "Hannah, we came to ask about someone. When I was a boy, she lived in the woods outside of town. You might remember her. We all called her Crazy Mary."

Hannah lost her smile again and glared at Jarrod. "You said you wasn't him."

"Who, Hannah?" Heath asked.

"That man, he come – he courted Mary – she thought he was gonna stay but he gone, he left – you said you wasn't him," she continued to stare at Jarrod.

Jarrod shook his head. "I'm not him, Hannah. Look at me. I'm far too young. But I guess I look like him?"

Hannah still looked suspicious. "You got that black black hair and them blue blue eyes, just like him."

Heath looked at Jarrod, then back at Hannah. "Hannah, what was Mary's real name?"

"Don't know," Hannah said. "She just called Mary, and after he came and left her and she went crazy, everybody called her Crazy Mary. She had a name sometime I guess, but we all just forgot what it was."

"Do you know where she came from?" Jarrod asked.

"From here," Hannah said. "Born and raised."

"Do you remember her family?" Heath asked.

"Died off when she was a girl," Hannah said. "She stayed at that house out there until she got sick in the head and nearly froze to death one winter. They came and took her away."

"Who took her?" Heath asked.

"Some men," Hannah said. "I don't know where they went. You was – I don't know if you was here then or not. We all just forgot about her. Don't you remember when they come and took her?"

Heath shook his head. "I don't think I was here, and I forgot her too, Hannah."

"Well, you was a boy," Hannah said. "You had no reason to fret yourself with a woman like Crazy Mary."

"Hannah, what happened between Mary and the man who courted her?" Jarrod asked.

"Oh, he just up and left when she got with child," Hannah said. "Didn't want no young'un I guess."

"What happened to the baby, Hannah?" Heath asked.

"Weren't none," Hannah said. "She lost it early on. Was real sick too. That's when she kinda wandered off on us. You were a little guy then, Heath. Maybe only five year old. Oh, but he was a cute little guy," Hannah said the last to Jarrod.

Jarrod smiled at Hannah's words, and Heath looked at him, but there was a deep sadness in Heath's eyes. They knew now. The Crazy Mary at the asylum was very probably Heath's Crazy Mary. As Heath looked away, Jarrod lost his smile and let his gaze drop. He suddenly realized something else, something about the Crazy Mary he knew at the asylum. What Hannah had said made it come to him, and it made him as sad as Heath seemed to be feeling.

"Hannah," Heath said, "is there anything else we can do to find out more about Crazy Mary? Anybody else we can ask? Think hard. It's important."

"Oh, Heath," Hannah said. "There ain't nobody left around here to ask about anybody."

"Are her relatives in the graveyard, any of them?"

"I don't know. I don't remember the name."

"How about church records, Hannah?" Jarrod asked. "Where would they be?"

"Records? You mean papers?"

Jarrod nodded.

"What we had for a church burned down eight years ago," Hannah said. "Any kind of papers went with it."

Heath said, "I don't remember Crazy Mary having any people of her own, Jarrod."

"She didn't," Hannah said. "All gone before you were old enough to walk around, Heath, every one of them. Most gone before you were even born."

Frustrated, Heath almost thought he'd go back to the graveyard and look at every grave, every name until he found some that he didn't know, but he knew that would be a waste of time. He didn't remember most of the last names around here. He'd been too eager to leave and left too young.

"Is there anything else you remember, Hannah?" Jarrod asked. "The black-haired man who got Mary with child – do you remember his name?"

Hannah shook her head. "No, neither Christian nor family. I didn't ever know it at all, I don't think."

"Heath, why don't we go by where Crazy Mary lived?" Jarrod asked.

"Not much there anymore, all tumbled down," Hannah said.

"Maybe we'll go anyway," Heath said. "There might be something."

"You best be really careful there," Hannah said. "That place come tumbling down on you if you're not careful."

Heath leaned over and gave Hannah a kiss and a smile. "We'll be careful. How about you, Hannah? Are you doing all right? Is there anything we can do for you?"

Hannah smiled a bright smile. "No, no, Heath, I'm just fine as I is. I'm just pleased to see you is all."

Heath mounted up, and Jarrod tipped his hat to the old woman. She smiled politely to him, and Jarrod mounted up as well. In only a few minutes, they had ridden through what was left of the town and up to an old house that had lost most of its roof and one of its walls. That was where Heath stopped, looking at it, looking back through the years.

"This is it."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Heath and Jarrod both dismounted and approached the old house slowly, carefully. Neither one of them spoke, still thinking about the things Hannah had said and trying to put them together with this house and the woman who had lived in it. The place did look dangerously unstable, as Hannah had warned them, so they stopped before even stepping on the porch. The porch roof was half down and teetering on one post. The porch rail was almost gone completely, and the front door was wide open, hanging crookedly on one hinge. The whole place seemed to hang crookedly on one hinge.

"I've never been inside," Heath said.

"I don't recommend going in," Jarrod said. "We're likely to fall right through the floor, and there's no telling what kind of critter we might run into in there."

Heath grunted an agreement and began to move around to the side of the house. Jarrod followed along. The house looked even worse in the side and in the back. There was no back door at all anymore. The back porch roof was down entirely and lying on the porch, disguising a spot or two where the porch itself had collapsed.

Heath stopped and stared, and Jarrod stopped with him. "I was never even in this back yard," Heath said, and looked around at the rubble of what probably had been a chicken coop. What had been a barn looked like someone had raided it for usable lumber. A broken outhouse lay on its side.

They wandered around the other side of the house to go back toward the front. The wall here was intact, but the only window was completely blown out. Heath stopped and took a peek inside. There were a few pieces of broken furniture there, but he couldn't even tell what they were anymore.

Jarrod said, "I'm surprised nobody ever put a match to this place."

"No kids left around to do it," Heath said.

"And adults would just be raiding the place for lumber and fixtures, if they had any interest," Jarrod completed the thought.

They went back around to the front of the house. Heath walked into the road and stood in the middle of it, staring at the house. Jarrod followed him but stayed a few feet away, letting him have his space and his memories. He knew Heath was looking back through the years, seeing Crazy Mary smiling through that front window.

And now Jarrod was thinking about something, too – about the man with the black-black hair and blue-blue eyes who probably used to come here and victimize Crazy Mary in a way Heath and his friends didn't imagine. _No wonder_ , he thought. _No wonder_.

Heath said, "We used to stop right here and call her, and as soon as she came to the window, we'd make faces at her, or sometimes we'd just laugh and run away. One of the kids used to make up rhymes, like 'Crazy Mary up and down, she can't show her face in town.' Stupid, hurtful stuff like that. And we'd all laugh. And she wouldn't do anything but smile at us. Just smile."

"Maybe she actually knew what was going on, Heath," Jarrod said. "Maybe she understood you were children and she didn't ask you to be anything else."

"No," Heath said. "There wasn't any excuse for what we did. We were just ornery."

"You were just kids," Jarrod said.

Heath left it at that. Silently, he mounted up again and headed back into what was left of the town. Jarrod remounted and followed.

But once they were in town, Heath stopped in the middle of the street, looking up and down and everywhere. There was no one anywhere. The buildings were even more decrepit than they had been the last time he was here. Hannah really was the only person around, and Heath suddenly looked at Jarrod.

"Jarrod – what about Hannah?" he asked.

"What about her?" Jarrod asked.

"She's alone here. How can we leave her alone here? She could be going the same way Crazy Mary did."

Jarrod understood, but, "She's got her senses about her, Heath, at least so far. We can ask her if she wants to leave and I'll try to find a place for her, but if she says no, then there's really nothing we can do."

"It's dangerous for her here alone. She could fall and get hurt, or any yahoo could come along and hurt her."

"Do you want to go back and talk to her?" Jarrod asked.

Heath nodded, and they took off for Hannah's place again.

She was still in the yard, tending to her laundry, when they rode up. She wasn't cautious with them now, recognizing them right away. She came toward them as they dismounted, smiling. _Like Crazy Mary used to smile_ , Heath thought.

"Did you find what you was lookin' for?" she asked.

Heath nodded. "We did. Hannah, is there anybody in town with you anymore? Anybody at all?"

"No, no," she laughed. "Everybody gone now but me."

"I don't like you being here alone."

"Oh, no!" Hannah said, shaking her head. "I'm fine here, I'm just fine. This is my home! Ain't nobody bothers me here."

Heath took a deep breath. "Hannah, we can find another home for you if you'd rather come with us – "

"No, no," she laughed again. "Heath, you got no need to worry for me. I'm fine here. You got your own family needs you, and they don't need me."

"Maybe I need you, Hannah," Heath said.

Hannah put her hand on the side of his face. "Heath, you a grown man now. You need you a wife, and you need your brother here, and that nice Mrs. Barkley who came by here once. They the people you need now. I'm doin' fine. You come see me once in a while, and you'll see, I'm doin' fine."

Heath knew he wasn't going to get Hannah to budge from the house she'd known as home for as long as he could remember. It broke his heart, but he resolved that he would check in on her more often than he had been, and if she began to slip away the way Crazy Mary did, then he would do something to see she was cared for. But Jarrod was right. For now, she had her senses enough, and he had to honor her wish to stay right where she was.

Hannah gave Heath's face a pat and looked beyond him to Jarrod. She didn't look suspiciously at him anymore. She understood now who he was. "You take good care of my Heath," she said. "You take good care of your brother."

Jarrod smiled and nodded. "Don't you worry about him, Hannah. He's doing just fine."

"That's good, that's good," Hannah said.

They mounted up again and left, but as they got to the edge of town, Heath stopped and looked back. Jarrod knew he was worried about Hannah, and he was comparing her to Crazy Mary, thinking about the things he did to Crazy Mary and things he did not do for Hannah but he knew that he would do for her someday.

"Heath," Jarrod said, "we can't make her leave, but we can come check on her more often, bring her things she might need, and if she slips into trouble, we can do something then. She won't end up like Crazy Mary."

Heath looked at his older brother, grateful that he was saying "we," and grateful his big brother knew what he was thinking without asking. "Thanks, Jarrod," he said.

XXXXX

It was only an hour or so after they left Strawberry that darkness began to settle in. They didn't say much of anything to each other along the way, each one lost in his own thoughts about Crazy Mary. Hannah had told them what she knew, which wasn't much, but at the same time was a lot. She had answered questions for them – even questions they didn't know to ask. They were both unsettled, but trying to settle and understand as they rode along in silence.

Until Jarrod said, "Why don't we stop for the night? We still have a way to go and there's no real rush. Why risk a horse breaking a leg in the dark?"

"All right," Heath agreed.

They knew they were near a spot where a good, fresh creek ran within about 30 feet of the road. That was a good spot to camp, and when they got there it was still light enough out that they could settle their horses, gather firewood, and get the fire and coffee and dinner going before the light left them entirely. Jarrod made coffee and started the food while Heath brushed the horses down, and soon they were drinking coffee and watching the ham and beans cook up, still in silence, each one still inside himself.

"Penny for your thoughts," Jarrod finally said.

"They ain't worth it," Heath said. "We didn't really find out a whole lot."

"I don't know about that," Jarrod said. "You found out what happened to your Crazy Mary, both before you knew her and after."

"We found out about a lover who deserted her and a baby that never came to be," Heath said. "I don't know. Maybe I wanted something I can't get."

"Something to ease your conscience," Jarrod said.

Heath nodded. "Yeah. My conscience is even worse than it was. Not so much about Hannah – I can do something for her when the time comes. But about Crazy Mary – she had nothing but hurt and we didn't do anything but make it worse. I didn't do right by her."

"I don't know, Heath," Jarrod said. "Maybe you're being too hard on yourself. Kids have terrible judgment. That's why we don't let them do much of anything important."

"We should have known, though," Heath said. "We should have known there was a reason she was the way she was, and we should have left her alone."

"Maybe, but you can't beat yourself up because you didn't. Learning from mistakes like that – that's what teaches a kid what he needs to grow up."

Heath had to admit, one thing was true. "At least we found out your Crazy Mary was my Crazy Mary."

"Hmm," Jarrod said in agreement. "Maybe I found out a little more than that."

"What do you mean?"

"She used to smile at me whenever she saw me, like she knew me, which I knew she didn't," Jarrod said. "But she probably thought she did. She probably thought like Hannah did at first. She probably thought I was that long-lost black-haired, blue-eyed lover, come back to her, come to take her away from that asylum. Come to take her home."

Heath watched Jarrod's eyes fog over with something in the firelight. Regret?

Jarrod saw him looking and smiled a bit. "Too bad I wasn't him."

"I still wish I'd known about her when I was a kid," Heath said. "I might have left her alone then."

Jarrod shrugged. "Who knows? Knowing what she was keeping inside her probably wouldn't have made much difference to you. You weren't old enough to understand."

"Now I understand. I just wish I had understood a lot sooner. I could have come to see her in that asylum."

"And said what? She was beyond reach then, Heath. She was looking at me and seeing years long gone. She wasn't even really seeing anything else around her."

"Maybe I wouldn't have said anything, Jarrod," Heath said. "Maybe I'd just been with her now and then, and not laugh and shout at her like I did when I was seven years old."

Jarrod sighed. "We can't make up for most of the sins we commit when we're young. It just can't be done. And if we hadn't made those mistakes, we might not have learned. We might have grown up to keep shouting and laughing at the Crazy Mary's of the world. Some men do, you know."

"None of that helped our Crazy Mary, though, did it?"

Heath looked steadily into his older brother's eyes. Jarrod knew more than he did about people – he was older, and he'd dealt with many different kinds in his life and in his work. Maybe Jarrod knew a way they actually did help Crazy Mary by coming here to Strawberry.

As if he understood what Heath was asking, Jarrod said, "Somewhere, Heath, Crazy Mary isn't crazy anymore. Maybe she knows that we found some of her today, and maybe that does help, now, wherever she is. We won't find out until it's our turn to pass through that veil, but one thing's for sure. Finding out about her today was better than not finding out – maybe better for her, as well as for us."

Heath just nodded. He hoped Jarrod was right, that somehow just knowing about her, just thinking about her, did her some kind of good, wherever she'd gone _. Wherever we all go when we're done here_ , Heath thought.

 _In the lamplight burning low_

 _and dimly through enchanted woods_

 _We think about the sins that we commit_

 _along the green and golden paths of growing up_

 _We light the fire and say a prayer for Crazy Mary._

The End

 _The poetry is by Steve Goodman, from his song "Crazy Mary."_


End file.
